Love and Happiness…..
This year is the journey into expanding, cultivating, transforming and ascending into happiness in a BIG way (go BIG or go home, right?)
But what is happiness?
I’ve thought about this question a lot and I’ve come up with this as a definition….
‘Happiness is love manifested.’
I have to admit- I am a big fan of love. In fact, it’s my #1 strengths.
(Have you done this test? Find YOUR Strengths, Try it here:
But I haven’t always looked at it that way. I just know that when it comes to love – I’ve always loved in a BIG way.
I’ve loved people (especially), animals (aren’t they people with fur?) and places and – somewhat selfishly- things. Things like a painting my grandmother left me, my favorite tea, stacks of photo books, the onesie Kalen came home from the hospital in, etc; those things that are irreplaceable.
I also love activities: yoga, running, cooking, reading, painting, pulling oracle cards, following the moon cycles, eating healthy etc. etc. because all of these activities bring me TREMENDOUS happiness.
I have found that when I love something- person place or thing- it tends to love me back. Yes, that tea taste SO much better when I brew it in my favorite cup and take mindful sip savoring all the flavors. When I love on my yoga class- that high can boost me all week. When I love a place, I find amazing spots that enhance each step, each part of the trip. And when I love- truly unconditionally, – people, WOW, that just carries me….
But I’ve also been deeply hurt. I’ve suffered a physically abusive partnership in my twenties, I was married to an addict in my thirties, suffered years of infertility in my 40s…
Some of that love did not manifest according to my plans.
When I was 27 and going across country with my (ex) husband, as a newlyweds couple, I started to get frustrated. We were in very tight corners (a van tuned into a traveling apartment) and spent hours and hours driving. We were literally in each other’s space 24/7 for three months. At some point, I started to think “Oh shit, did I make the right choice? How am I going to live with HIM for the rest of my life? What in the WORLD were we thinking???”
I started to panic. And, somewhere in Colorado, the anxiety hit… “I am going to end up like my parents, divorced and miserable. and ALONE….”
“ and Alone…”
For whatever reason, right before we started our trip I had joined the Hay House Book club and took a bunch of unread books with me on the road. That night, Matt had gone out shopping and left me alone in our hotel room. That is when the anxiety got really strong. “Oh shit. What have I done? My world is caving in and I have LOST all control”
I felt my breath shrink and then quicken, and my heart pound.
I sat down on the bed and looked at the duffel bag that housed some of our clothes and toiletries. I noticed one of the books from that book club peering out of the open zipper as if to say, “Here I am, help is here”. It was The Four Agreements by Don Miguel. I started a hot bath, hopped in, and read the whole book while in the bath tub in less than an hour, just as Matt was coming back to our room.
That book literally changed the trajectory of my life.
I’m going to ruin the surprise and tell you the four agreements now. Not that I don’t want you to read the book- you should anyway- but I do want to show you what happened, how I shifted from loving with conditions to unconditionally loving, and HOW that led me to learning to love in a way that manifested happiness in my life.
Here they are- the Four Agreements…
- Be Impeccable with your Word
- Don’t Take anything Personally
- Don’t make Assumptions
- Always do your Best
Although I loved my husband, I was not impeccable with my word. I would nag him or tell him he was doing something wrong or complain about something neither of us could change. I was CREATING the very opposite of happiness, I was creating negative energy and I hadn’t been aware that I had been doing that until I read…
“Through the word you express your creative power. It is through the word that you manifest everything. Regardless of what language you speak, your intent manifests through the word. What you dream, what you feel, and what you really are, will all be manifested through the word… Every human is a magician, and we can either put a spell on someone with our word or we can release someone from a spell… Misuse of the word is how we pull each other down and keep each other in a state of fear and doubt. Because the word is the magic that humans possess, and misuse of the word is black magic, we are using black magic all the time without knowing that our word is magic at all.…When you become impeccable with your word, your mind is no longer fertile ground for words that come from black magic. Instead, it is fertile for the words that come from love.” Don Miguel, The Four Agreements
That was a Game-Changer.
I was also taking EVERYTHING personally. He might glance at another girl and I would think “ Oh I’m not pretty enough”, or “I need to lose weight”. He would seem more entertained watching TV than talking to me (I was/ am very needy, even after hours of driving and talking together, I still thought he would want to conversate once we got to the hotel- the poor guy!). I would think, “Oh I am boring! I don’t have anything interesting to talk about! I suck…” Again, I was creating black magic with my inner dialog of words and imagining a terrible scenario.
Those were all also ASSUMPTIONS. Without talking to him, I just assumed. I assumed he didn’t think I was pretty. I just assumed I was boring, I just assumed I had made a mistake and we would end up like my parents. NONE of that was very loving and it certainly brought more pain than happiness…
And without following the first three agreements, I was certainly not doing my best. I was drowning in negative emotions and thoughts, assuming the worst, and replaying the record of my parents in my head. THIS led to me being a nag, complaining, seeing the worst in things and not being someone, ANYONE would want to spend time with. This was definitely NOT my best.
So, I decide that night to turn the table with Matt. I decided that I would try these agreements for the last leg of our trip (about 10 more days). I would pay attention to how I talked to him and what I said, I wouldn’t take it personally if he wasn’t 110% focused on me, I wouldn’t assume that meant he didn’t love me, and I would be the best wife I could be, because we had only just been married- didn’t he deserve that? After making a lifelong commitment to me?
If you think that I am about to tell you that we didn’t fight or have disagreements after that – well that is FAR from the truth. However, it was different. Did we fight? Yes, but in a different way. Did we need time apart? YES- but I understood it now as healthy and normal -not a lack of attraction or love. We became better as a couple, and happier on our journey. I became a better wife and the crazy thing is HE DID TOO, he became a better husband! He didn’t even read the BOOK!
And this brings me to my last point about love. Love is the only emotion that can truly be contagious. Because it’s an act, not a thing. When you love – the right way- the person you are aiming it at can feel it and usually it gets boomeranged right back to you. Matt didn’t need to read the book because I was loving him in a manner that he felt and could mirror. Sure, we had our bumps, but we had a strong marriage for a number of years and it was because we did our best at it. We loved our loving which manifested happiness.
And that is how I realized the second LOVE TRUTH:
If happiness is the destination, love is the journey.
This week: think about the things you love. Make a LOVE LIST of 5-10, people, places, activities things and then love on that list. Send love to everything / everyone on that list! Show the love. Don’t assume or take things personally if the love doesn’t get returned immediately- sometimes the journey back is a bit slow. If you keep loving, using your words in the direction of love, and being the best version of yourself, your love list will bring you more happiness than you could have ever dreamed of. And the contagious aspect? Yea- the list will grow in unexpected ways and start showing up in other areas. All of a sudden you will love on that co-worker who used to drive you nuts, or that sink that keeps dripping. Will they change? They have to.
“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
Enjoy this month of LOVE. Let it bring you more happiness that you could possibly imagine- even in your wildest dreams~
love, Love , LOVE
Shana
Did you know Meditation can reduce insomnia by 75%?
It can reduce anxiety by 60%?
It increases heart, hormonal and gut health!!
The problem is… whenever you’ve tried it, a voice goes off in your head and the laundry list of to-dos rattles off, or there’s the train you need to catch or the dog that has to go out or the kid that’s late for school.
Sound familiar?
That’s why I made this FREE Yoga Nidra recording.
To make meditation EASY, ENJOYABLE and DOABLE so that you can gain ALL those benefits by literally just lying there! An easy first step to ultimate health.
Start with an “ahh….”
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Shana is a New Yorker and a native to Long Island’s east end. A lifelong passion in food, health and wellness led her to become an advanced 500 hour registered Yoga teacher through Yoga Alliance, a Licensed Body Worker, a trained Herbalist, a Reiki and PEMF (Pulse Electro-Magnetic Field) Practitioner. She has studied abroad in India, as well as studying functional and integrative nutrition at IIN (Institute of Integrated Nutrition), is a National Board-Certified Health & Wellness Coach (NBC-HWC), and Certified Hypno-counselor.
She is well versed in ancient theologies and eastern healing systems such as acupuncture and Ayurveda. Working with these philosophies, and integrating holistic nutrition, yoga and meditation is how she serves and supports her clients to heal and transform their lives. Shana currently lives in Northport, NY where she works as a Holistic Coach.